Fridays

Fridays are different now.  They no longer signal just the end of a busy and hectic week but also stand as a reminder to how much time has passed since Annabelle was born.  This friday marks five weeks.

I don't consciously count down the days until the next friday, no they sneak up on me.  Of course I know they are coming, as they do every week, and yet I forget.  Life gets in the way.  Before I know it another week has come and gone.  

I miss my little girl every moment of every day and no matter how busy I am the void is always there.  Sometimes it sits quietly in the background happy not to be noticed and other times it screams at me making sure I jump up and pay attention.  

I have known from the moment hubby and I walked out of the hospital without our baby that this void would form part of our new 'normal'.  And yet it wasn't until earlier in the week when the realisation arrived like an unwelcome guest, that it wont matter what things happen in the years to come as the emptiness will always remain; part of me, part of our family, part of the world is missing.

In the future maybe friday will come and I will forget exactly how many weeks or months it has been.  Part of me would like that.  Somehow I think that would be easier.  Deep down I know this probably isn't true but I will get back to you.

Until then, this Mummy of three is going to bed.  Tomorrow I hope to meet friday with a smile and be ready for whatever it brings.