International Bereaved Mother's Day

Yesterday I got to spend the majority of my day surrounded by a room full of beautiful and corageous women.  What we all had in common was that we have lost at least one child.  Although it was raining the day was perfect and we were all able to come together and connect.

Many of you may not be aware but the Sunday before Mother's Day is International Bereaved Mother's Day.  A special day to allow all bereaved Mothers to be recognised and celebrated for what they are, Mothers.

I was lucky enough to be asked to speak at our High Tea yesterday and after the positive reaction I received yesterday I felt that I needed to share what I said with all of you as well.  Enjoy!

The Group No One Wants to Belong To

I grew up in Arizona and in my Senior year of high school we lived in Yuma, the winter lettuce capital of America. As you can imagine it was a very agricultural focused town.

Of all the groups and organisations I had been or wanted to be a part of up to this point there was no group I wanted into more than the FFA. This was the Future Farmers of America program that runs in both middle and high schools throughout the US. Now you may wonder why I wanted to be part of this group. Was it the hot guys? No, although there were those and they made cowboy boots look good. Was it the extra-curricular activities or the friends I would make? Nope. The life lessons I could learn? No. It was the navy blue corduroy jacket I would get.

That's right when you become part of the FFA you receive the blue jacket with your name embroidered on the front. I wanted, no needed, one of those jackets.

I am happy and proud to share that I got the blue jacket. I still have it. I cannot bear to part with it as it represents such an amazing time in my life and one that did provide me with more than just a very cool jacket.

Just over two years ago I became a member of another group.

Since I joined I have made amazing friends, met some incredibly strong women and grown within myself. I have also become more compassionate and gained a second family. Not only that, but by being a member of this group I have had the opportunity to help others.

Sounds like an amazing group doesn't it? I am sure that if this group advertised all of these benefits of membership at least a few of you would consider joining. Who wouldn't?! Nobody. None of us would if we knew the full magnitude of this group.

In order to be in this group your baby has to die. This is the group of bereaved parents, and more specifically bereaved mothers.

Hi, my name is Kirsten and I am a bereaved Mum.

My first born daughter, Annabelle Grace, came into this world silently on April 4, 2014 at 4.38pm weighing 202 grams. She was only twenty weeks old. Her death shocked myself, my husband and our family to the core. It was not expected. She was alive and moving on the Friday and at the scan on Wednesday there was no heartbeat. I will never ever forget that moment for the rest of my life.

I am a member of the group no wants to be a member of. The group that none of us even knew existed until we were thrust into it with the force of being hit by a bus. That is thing with this group, we don't get to choose if we want to be part of it or not. It is chosen for us and then becomes part of lives until we take our last breath.

Being part of this group means that I am a different type of Mother. I am the mother who experienced the unimaginable and lives with a sliver of her heart forever missing. I am the Mother that for as long as I am alive will miss my daughter every day and know that things just aren't quite how they were supposed to be. I am the Mother who knows that although you see three children, I actually have four. I am the Mother who smiles when you hear my story and tells you 'its fine' and comforts you. I am the Mother that others don't know exists or choose to ignore.

If there is only one thing I have learned by being in this group, it is that we are all mothers. Regardless of whether the outside world can see children or not, we are mothers. We have created and carried life within us.

I firmly believe that our children chose us specifically because they knew how strong and amazing we are and that we would ensure they would never be forgotten.

I didn't receive a cool jacket when I became part of this group, but I have received so much more.

The greatest thing Annabelle gave me was the gift of being her Mum, a bereaved Mum. Through my grief I am able to love and live. There is no greater strength and nothing I am more proud to do.