Two Heads – why do you look at me like that when I talk about my child?

When I speak about Annabelle or use her name in conversation I swear people, (family and close friends excluded), look at me as if I have two heads. No, I am not crazy and yes, I am talking about my stillborn child.

I do not talk about Annabelle to make anyone uncomfortable. As a matter of fact I hope that by talking about her and stillbirth the subject will become less taboo and therefore no need to make you squirm or regret asking me how many children I have.

I do not talk about Annabelle to gain sympathy. I know that you feel bad for me and I appreciate that. Yes, it sucks and it is not fair, but its the hand I was dealt.

I do not talk about Annabelle to seek attention. I am not trying to weave my daughter into each conversation so that I will then become the focus. No, I just want to talk as I have something to contribute.

I do not talk about Annabelle to scare you. I would hate to think that I have scared anyone when I tell my story or speak of my baby. I want people to have resources available to them to learn about stillbirth and have the knowledge as it is power. 

For those of us who have lost our babies, regardless of how, we are not crazy. We are parents and we love our children and are proud of them. You will not understand that unless you have walked in our shoes, but please do not treat us like a crazy two-headed monster. 

We just want to be able to share our stories and our babies with you, just like any other mother would. We want you to meet our children and recognise them as part of our family. We want to remember. If we quit talking about and sharing our babies then what happens? Who will remember them? When a life is gone only memories survive, and in the case of death before birth your memories are few. If we have to live in a society where a woman cannot even share memories about her dead child, then what is the point? A woman with a dead baby already feels isolated, there is no need to force her to the corner of the room and make her ignore the elephant. That elephant has a name and it was here, even if briefly.

It is time to celebrate each life and the women who bring them into this world. Hug them, converse with them and never be afraid to mention their child by name because remembering is the biggest gift you can give.