Cake

I used to believe that cake made everything better. Being a baker and someone who truly appreciates carbs, sugar and butter this was my mantra. Had a bad day – eat a cupcake. Split up with your boyfriend – bake yourself a nice chocolate fudge cake and consume it all. Been up all night with a screaming child – whip up some icing and take pleasure in licking the beaters. Doing your household budget for the month – grab a slice of Red Velvet. Your child dies – nope; no cake is going to help that. It doesn't matter what I bake or create (and I have done heaps of baking since Annabelle's birth), nothing is going to make this better.

Cake wont make it better but for me it makes it a bit easier. While I bake my cake or any other delectable item my mind doesn't have time to let negativity or thoughts in unless they are related directly to my dish. Having that focus allows me to have time to myself in a fairly happy place. I also take great pride watching my creation be devoured by my boys both big and small. Watching the crumbs gather on my newly mopped floor on the other hand is a negative, but one I will just have to deal with.

For me my focus on baking isn't ignoring or forgetting Annabelle it is simply my way of not having the sad thoughts around for a bit. I don't need nor do I want every thought that comes into my mind to be sad.  I need to be happy.  I am allowed to be happy.  This sounds strange considering I am grieving my stillborn child but I can still be happy. I still laugh and joke. It does feel weird to be doing these 'normal' things when I feel anything but at times but I know it is permitted and it is healing.

For me above all else it is important that my grief does not overcome me as Annabelle wouldn't want that. She wouldn't want her Mum to cry every day or be unable to laugh or have good times. She wouldn't want her big brothers to suffer in any way because her Mummy & Daddy are grieving.  I wake up each morning saying hello to my little girl and I go to bed each night sending her sweet dreams. I allow myself to grieve in whatever fashion works for me on that day, on that week or in that moment. I will continue to bake and pass on my love for sweet treats to my children and yes, I will have cake. It may not make everything better but it isn't going to hurt.

For those who may now be craving some cake thanks to my post. I thought I would share one of my favourite and easy recipes. There is no need for fancy equipment for this one. Enjoy!

Easy Peasy Choclolate Fudge Cake - adapted from One Bowl Chocolate Cake

2 Cup caster sugar
1 3/4 Cup plain flour
3/4 Cup cocoa powder
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 eggs
1 Cup milk
1/2 Cup oil (Vegetable or Canola work best)
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 Cup boiling water

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (180 degrees C or 160 fan forced). Grease and flour two 9 inch round pans.
2. In a large bowl, combine first six ingredients.  Make a well in the centre and add eggs, milk, oil and vanilla. Beat for two minutes at medium speed.  (If you do not have electric beaters just mix it heaps!)  Gently site in boiling water.
3. Pour into two 9 inch pans. Bake at 350 degrees F (180 degrees C) for 30 to 35 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes in the pan, then turn out onto a wire rack and continue cooling.

This recipe will also make 24 -30 cupcakes depending on the size and can also be used for one large cake as well.  No matter what sort of pan you use this cake will always make your heart happy!

Can be iced with anything you like, but my favourite for a total chocolate overload would be Magnolia Bakery's chocolate buttercream.  Link to recipe here.